Psychopomp

When one is directly confronted with the simple fact that our stay among our friends and family is a finite visit, and especially when one is advised that the lease may be up sooner than expected, one must consider the method of eviction. We all live in rented houses, and when the time comes, we must vacate the premises, and journey home.

I always thought the idea of leaving would frighten me. Although the journey doesn't scare me, I do not relish the idea of traveling alone. I guess this must have been on many minds over the centuries, because so many cultures and so many religions have traditions of spirit guides, angels (like Azrael), and others who guide lost souls to the other side.

I suppose that, as time draws near, it is natural to imagine the nature of one's guide and to start looking into shadows or listening to whispers in the night, seeking evidence and reassurance.

Mick

Psychopomp

I search for him in twilight shadows long.
I pray he'll catch the corner of my eye.
I listen for his voice in evensong --
The wintry clouds create as they scud by.
Some day, I'll feel his touch upon my arm.
Some day, he'll whisper gently in my ear.
Some day, he'll lead me far away from harm,
And to a realm devoid of hate and fear.
His arm will give me strength to step beyond.
His voice will grant me solace on the way.
His presence will establish such a bond,
That joyfully, I'll step upon that quay,
And climb aboard the ship upon the foam.
I'll peacefully, at last, set sail for home.

Mick McKellar
October 2010

Pavor Nocturnus

Hello. It has been a long time since I last posted a poem. During the interlude, I’ve been searching for answers to some pretty basic questions, and the resultant shifts in perspective have led me to some rather dark places—journeys about which I am, as yet, unable to write. However, I want to share a recent visit from an old acquaintance.

Although we all have experienced dark dreams and nightmares, some souls (mine included) are introduced to the king of nightmares, the granddaddy of dark dreams: Pavor Nocturnus. Here is a brief glimpse into the world of pavor nocturnus...the night terror.

Mick

Pavor Nocturnus

A sometime acquaintance, harbinger, fright,
So suddenly visited me last night,
That I could no preparations have made,
To welcome such a most-unwelcome shade.
A dark brother, spawned in a shadow world,
His sinister, indigo wings unfurled,
Silently glided, an amorphous cloud --
And wove me a torpid, somnolent shroud.

It settled, as mist on a midnight strand;
Silently stealing ashore, the cold hand
Of fell intelligence, seeking to spread
A cloak of fear, a chill blanket of dread
Where I walked, a wraith on the path of dreams,
Where nothing is ever quite what it seems.
The eerie mantle, formidable, sheer
As the wind, ferried a black, formless fear.

I fled when I felt dismay in that place.
I led the fell cloud on a frantic chase.
I felt trepidation at each quick turn.
I sped through the nightmare, to safety earn.
Though I was quicksilver, the mist, more swift,
Caught me up, and cast me, trembling adrift.
My timorous, tremulous, terror scream,
Silently shattered my direful dream.

As the shards of my reverie dispersed,
I pondered again: Was I blessed or cursed?
Was my chimera a mere spectral snare,
A cursed apparition my soul must bear;
Or a phantom favored to save its nape,
A revenant blessed to always escape?
Favored or not, I dismissed the dark dread,
And sought the soft, warm redoubt of my bed...

Mick McKellar
September 2010

Journey to Light

Way back in 1991, the old Midnight Poet joined a group of other Michigan Technological University staff and faculty members to tackle a weight-loss challenge. In 13 weeks the group lost a total of 748 pounds. Many of us were justifiably proud of losing to win.

Of course, I had a meeting with my Muse and a poem was the result. Our local newspaper, the Daily Mining Gazette, was covering the story. I submitted my poem to them and they published it on May 17, 1991, sharing the page with their article on the project. Journey to Light explores the nature of carbohydrate addiction and reflects on the saddest fact of all: When food is your addiction, you cannot go cold turkey -- unless it is on a Kaiser roll with Swiss, lettuce, and mayo...

Mick

Journey to Light

I harken back to days of blubber,
When food was king and flesh was rubber:
When bulges formed on both my sides,
In time with daily lunar tides,
And often was my day complete,
When I caught glimpses of my feet.

I pondered, as I filled each chair,
The tensile strength of underwear,
And tried its textile might to guess,
When placed under extreme duress.
I dreaded times when I bent over,
And thought that I had "broken cover."

I miss the junk food most of all.
The chips and candy, large and small
Servings of such sweet confections,
(My insulin went all directions)
Were central to my very life,
Exceeding job, children, or wife.

Addicted? Yes, and also, sadly,
Dying well while living badly.
Days spent thinking thoughts so dark,
That life retained so little spark,
As to extinguish all desire
to rise, and just let life expire.

I now look back, and laud the day,
I said I could not live that way
Any longer, and I began to shed,
The pounds that tried to make me dead.
I'm proud of what I've done you see,
But still have work to do on me.

Anyone got a Butterfinger?

Mick McKellar
May 1991

Papa Bear Still Dreams

In one of my favorite movies, Three Men and a Baby, Tom Selleck's character is the decision-maker and leader of a trio of bachelors, two of whom are middle-aged adolescents. Near the end of the movie, he despairs of solving his romantic problems because of all the responsibilities he bears, and one of the other characters, in a flash of insight, says: "It's not easy being Papa Bear..."

The long and winding path of life often takes you places you did not intend. Papa Bear has to make his family’s journey a safe one. He is charged with responsibility, and occasionally, in the quiet times, dreams of the day his family takes over­ -- and is he is only responsible to be himself.

In today's world, however, Papa Bear's journey never seems to end. Only on the dream path does he meet his younger self. Only there are all his friends and ancestors still alive. Only there can he watch himself, as he was when the rush of youth was upon him.

This poem walks the dream path -- where the hopes and dreams of youth still play and dance, despite the insidious limitations brought on by an aging shell.

Mick

Papa Bear Still Dreams

The sadness in his eyes betrays,
With subtle shades of trepidation,
The tiny smile his mouth displays,
So fraught with grim determination.

The waltz he danced in younger days,
With feet both swift and daring, eager;
Now tires his frame in unkind ways,
And drains his passion, thinner...meager.

His fire, now burning bitter herbs,
His massive frame once straight, is bending.
His basket full of action verbs,
Once vast, now all relate to ending.

His friends are dying, one-by-one.
He feels his comrades, all deserting
His love, which once burned like the Sun.
Now wounded, it lies abed, hurting.

An ancient soul, long bound in chains,
Striving without hope against his yokes,
He unrepentantly remains
The struggling butt of so many jokes...

His golden years have turned to lead,
Even though his alchemy was sound.
Yet, his sweet dreams are not quite dead,
Cherished reveries are still around.

And in his bed, still as stone -
Near motionless on home-bound gurney,
He watches them, and walks alone,
On dream-lit paths through night's long journey.

Mick McKellar
May 2010

40-Love, and it Went Over the Net

I was digging through my ancient files today, looking for an old program, and I happened across an even older e-mail I printed out in 1992. I had posted a quick poem for some friends about the new concept of electronic mail, and what might happen when love letters entered the Web fray. An on-line friend posted the poem to a discussion list and it was circulated as “A sorrowful ditty by one of our local e-poets.”

It does point out the dangers of communicating using the undependable resources of new Web server technology during its infancy. It also points out the dangers of romance on the cutting edge of technology. It’s a look back through 17-plus years of history to a time before browsers, when ASCII art was king, and I wrote nearly all my e-mail and documents on a dumb terminal linked to a university mainframe.

Mick

40-Love, and it Went Over the Net

I lost my one and only love,
When writing went on-line.
I simply mailed my love to her,
And she replied to mine.

Passion flamed on terminals,
And hearts were linked by wire.
Emotions, raw, were keyed, white-hot,
And set the Net on fire.

Alas, our correspondence died,
A victim of travail.
Although she thinks I cut her off,
Her server nuked my mail!

Mick McKellar
November 1992

Crimson Rage

Rage is defined as violent, explosive anger, with furious intensity, as of a storm or disease. Despite the fury inherent in the meaning of rage, we often use the word to describe acts of simple anger and unthinking cruelty. I dreamt about rage last night, about the terrible tempest inside us, when the crimson tide rises and our darkest urges are unleashed. What happens inside, and how do we ever regain control?

The images racing through my dreamscape startled me awake in the cool darkness of our bedroom and I lay awake, pondering the rampaging storm that filled my mind. Although I have never acted upon such an impulse, I have witnessed the aftermath of unfettered rage, and seen the dark storm in the eyes of another. And I wonder, what might it take to unleash the crimson tide within me? God grant I never discover it.

Mick



Crimson Rage

The torn sky weeps its blood upon the lands.
Blinded, fury pleads with wild raised hands.
Tears stream hot on flushed and bloody cheeks,
To gasp and groan, upon a tide that reeks
Of death and darkness — heaped upon a world
On which a wily serpent lies uncurled.

Wind dancers caper searching for redoubt,
Adrift on loathsome drafts the tide spills out,
Keen a sharp and bright demand for aid.
One by one their brief lives are unmade,
As swiftly comes a deadly, angry shark,
That breaks itself upon a looming ark.

Glowering, the serpent spies the craft,
Strikes to rend and break it fore to aft;
Yet eyes, unsleeping spy the darting worm,
And turn the ark to slide into the storm.
The serpent misses, falls into the tide,
And flounders as its target turns to hide.

Though crimson darkness seeks to hold its prey,
The wily serpent swiftly breaks away,
And satisfies its hunger for the ark,
By feasting on the still and broken shark.
It, slow and sated, crawls back on the world —
To sleep and wait, dark, silent, and uncurled.

The ark, careening through the crimson gale,
Screams as bones and tendons nearly fail.
Straining mightily, the craft at last breaks free,
Onto a calm and sunlit, silent sea.
There to rest and whisper once, "Amen."
Until the crimson rage erupts again.

Mick McKellar
April 2010

No Home in Success

Odd isn't it, that so many who contend with life's vicissitudes and challenges, somehow manage to be both depressed and arrogant? I was very recently reminded that defensive pride can lead to chagrin and that proverbial egg on the face feeling.

Perhaps it is merely a natural reaction to rejection and loss, that the inner eye loses perspective and one builds an overblown image of self. Perhaps the redoubt of arrogance is a natural defense, and like the body's histamine reaction defense against irritants and allergies, it is not only effective, but also nasty, painful, and messy.

Small successes should build confidence and self-image, yet unwarranted pride and arrogance simply have no place in that picture. Their home remains on the pages of one's journal, to cast their glimmer between the lines of one's memoirs.

Mick

No Home in Success

The wheel of life takes you for a spin,
Testing you in word and deed.
Challenges offer a chance to win,
Yet nothing is guaranteed.
Sometimes the brass ring is reachable,
Most times it's out of your reach:
Life's lessons become most teachable,
When life has something to teach.
Winning and learning are not the same,
Though many never see why
They can't always win at ev'ry game:
Viewed with a self-centered eye.
Arrogance born of adversity,
Is arrogance, nonetheless;
Despite travail and catastrophe,
Pride has no home in success.

Mick McKellar
April 2010